Life before Liquid: Our Embarrassing Jobs

Josh Smith - 23/11/2015

What did your CV look like when you were 16? 

Drizzly, miserable afternoons often leave the liquid staff feeling a little nostalgic. After taking a look at the range of applications submitted for our current vacancies, we got (more) than a little distracted taking a trip down memory lane.

We thought it was too funny not to share, so here is a quick breakdown of what some of the liquid team were up to when they were “sweet sixteen”. Some are embarassing. Some are painful. Some are life-threatening. 

If you’re currently employed doing any of the jobs mentioned on this list, don't worry. Judging from our experiences – it’s all up from here, my friend.
 

Design

Steve – Executive Creative Director

…Worked in Asda making pizzas, but refuses to admit this in writing. With his numerous design credentials and awards, we suggested his pizza creations must have been edible masterpieces - he refused to comment.

Karen – Creative Director

“Officially I was Attractions Operator at Metroland… In reality I was the train driver (choo choo!)…”

Nixon – Lead Designer

“I was the sad sod at Makro who had to tidy an entire warehouse. Folding towels, packing irons back in boxes, moving gallons of mayonnaise – all in a nights work! I worked my way up the ranks, first to weekend night shift, weekend day staff through to the illusive weekend electrical staff (you had to be 18 to work on electrical, for no apparent reason, but I was so good I got on at 17 and a half!)

After four years, eight broken televisions and a few games of football in the back of the warehouse, I hung up my Makro uniform - but I still have my elusive 'wave' key!”

Kyle – Lead Designer **

Kyle was unavailable for an official comment on his job, however we understand that in addition to working in a curry house, he was a highly respected trolley boy. Kyle has won awards for his trolley herding, despite having once found himself to have been slightly overzealous on occasion - in particular, the day he hurtled a stack of trolleys into the side of a moving car by accident.

No match for Kyle's brute force and 50 trolleys, the impact pushed the car onto two wheels, rendering the driver completely unable to exit the vehicle. Kyle, miraculously, was not sacked for this incident.

Jamie – Designer

“I was a porter for a bar on a race course and worked my way up to the glamorous life of barman.”
 

Digital

Gary – Marketing Manager

“My first job was as a ‘Potato Merchant and Frozen Food Distributor’. I used to deliver frozen chips to hotels and cafes across Blackpool. Highlights included getting the odd free bacon butty or cup of tea and having a quick dabble on the penny nudgers in the arcades.”

Josh – Digital Apprentice

“I worked in Home Bargains on Hanover Street, which saw me live a live of 9AM-3PM in school, then 4PM-10PM in work. It was not the best idea. Not a “shift” went by in which I left the place without a cut or a bruise (cardboard boxes are deadly). I left in January and do not miss it one bit.”
 

PR & Social

Lauren – PR & Social Manager

“I worked in Happy Dayz (the cheaper alternative Wacky Warehouse). I used to watch the kids as they played/went wild. They were often sick in the ball pit, which was up to me to clean up. Or, they’d miss the toilet, and I’d have to clean/mop it. I also had to dress as the worst Mickey Mouse ever – and sing and dance for the children as I delivered their birthday cake.

I wasn’t allowed to talk as Mickey, so if the children hit me, or cried (this happened a LOT) I’d just have to stay silent so I didn’t ruin the Mickey surprise. I got paid £17.50 a day (10am – 5pm) for this. The only highlight was that most families bought Cosco cake, so when I was cutting it, I’d have a slice. That was the best part of my day.”

Clare – PR & Social Executive

“My first job was in the kitchen at Pizza Hut. In my first week I put a plastic tray through the conveyor belt oven by accident, shutting down the restaurant. I had to scrape the melted plastic off the oven with a spatula. I was quickly booted out front to be a waitress.

I was much better at waiting tables, though once overestimated how many plates I could carry and dropped a "sharing bowl" of piping hot 'Chicken Alfredo' pasta on the floor. The (huge) bowl hit the floor by its curve, flinging the entire contents of over a table of 12 people like a porcelain slingshot. One man

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